We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He better not be in your backpack
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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