well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
