1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
