I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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