apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
