By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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