Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
