apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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