You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
