i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's rum buckets o'clock
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
