last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
