I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
