I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
