I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
