I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
