when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
