Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You may now shotgun with the bride
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
