I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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