Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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