Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
