does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
