He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
