im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
