if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
