I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
