After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
