put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
