why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
