I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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