There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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