the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
