I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
