Small penises have feelings too.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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