if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
