We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
