even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
