I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
More tranny stories later!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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