I wish I could teleport
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
