I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
