Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
