im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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