so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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