I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
