I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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