Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
