The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
