Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Acid is not a monday night drug
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
