i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
