I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
