I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
