I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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