I just made out with a guy for $7.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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