I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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