The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
