WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
