Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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