you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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