I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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