My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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